Saturday, January 31, 2009
1 Pound of Guacamole
15 Oz. Queso Dip For The Steelers End Zone
15 Oz. Salsa For The Cardinals End Zone
2 Oz. Sour Cream for the Field Lines
15 Vienna Sausages
Helmets - 3 Oz. Sharp Cheddar Cheese
The Goal Posts:
1 Slim Jim for Each Goal Post
1 Oz. Monterey Jack Cheddar To Anchor (each)
1 Pound of Bacon
1 Bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos
1 Bag of Cheetos
1 Bag of Corn Tortilla Chips
1 Bag of Chex Mix
20 Oz. Football-Shaped Summer Sausage (optional) (on second thought, no, this isn't optional. Go buy one.)
TOTAL CALORIES: 24,375
TOTAL GRAMS OF FAT: 1,285
TOTAL COST: $86.47
TOTAL DELICIOUSNESS: 1 Billion trillion, dude. One billion trillion.
Now you see why Obama's and Pelosi's stimulus plan is so badly needed. Up until yesterday, the media take on this octuplet birth was that it was a wonderful thing, a blessing, a miracle. Because everyone loves babies, right? Guess what fellow citizens? You've just become fosterparents for these little bambinos.......and six more you didn't know about, because this woman, her parents, and now fourteen kids, is not going to earn enough to support this clown car full of screeching rugrats.
Meet Miss Nadya Suleman, who gave birth to octuplets this week, and had six other children, her mother revealed.
That brings the total up to 14. Alice Suleman, the beaming grandmother, came forward to explain the headline-grabbing event, told the press that her daughter had eight embryos implanted last year and they all came to fruition. Doctors offered to eliminate a few to help manage the pregnancy, but the woman, whose marital status remains unknown, refused. And Suleman couldn’t be happier: "I looked at those babies. They are so tiny and so beautiful." She admits taking care of the tots will be a challenge, but promised to stand by her daughter’s side. And hopefully the six other children can lend a hand, too!
The mother turns out to already have six children, is unmarried, and lives with her parents who have already declared bankruptcy and live in a two or three bedroom house. The problem with America is too many idiots. I’m not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Friday, January 30, 2009
I need to go back and get my PHD.
A row has erupted at a Devon college after a pole dancing company was brought in to perform for students.
The demonstration, at South Devon College, Paignton, led to some teachers complaining it was inappropriate for the younger students aged 14.
A packed crowd of around 1,000 students, aged 14 to 19, watched the first display performed by company boss Sam Remmer in the main public area of the college.
Mrs Remmer said many of the teenagers recorded the performance on their mobile phones.
If you are not excited about the Superbowl yet, this video might help.
UPDATE!!!! Superbowl customers of Comcast in Arizona get unintentional porn during Fitzgeralds touchdown catch. WATCH THE VIDEO
Steeler fans may be out of luck though as the paint is not sold by the barrel.
I suppose we have to cut him a break, as the Obamassiah is used to doors just opening automatically when his holiness arrives in the general vicinity.
Swiss police uncover massive drug farm hidden in a corn field by spotting it on Google Earth
Swiss police announced the discovery of a large marijuana plantation hidden amongst cornfields thanks to a chance encounter via Google Earth. Thanks to the ever-popular eye in the sky of Google, 16 people and 1.1 metric tons of grass are now in custody of police.
The arrested will likely face hefty jail sentences, while the marijuana will be burnt at the stake (and if you listen carefully, you can hear a million sad stoners gasp in horror).
Can you imagine the Swiss dude trying to tell his fellow potheads, “I swear man, they got satellites watching us. They’re gonna come after us man!!” Those were the days...
Terry Tate Office Linebacker....UNCENSORED
UPDATE.....for those of you that keep landing here looking for the porn that showed up on Comcast during Warner's last touchdown pass....it's here!
A 50 YEAR HISTORY OF TEACHING MATH.
Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000.His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000.His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or $800.What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1990
A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000.His cost of production is $800.Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 2000
A logger sells a truck-load of timber for $1000.His cost of production is $800 and his profit is $200.Your assignment: Underline the number 200.
Teaching Math In 2009
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of $200. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available)
Teaching Math 2018
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من دولار . صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من > ! الثمن . ما هو الربح له
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Let's say you are in a plane that is about to crash over New York City, but by the grace of God, your pilot manages to do something that hasn't been done on a commercial airliner before....... he manages to land the plane on water and everybody is safe.
What's your response? You wanna kiss the pilot and crew who pulled this off? Maybe reevaluate your life and think about what's really important?
I thought so......but not if you're an asswipe like Joe Hart......it's time for a lawsuit. The Joe Hart's of this world (Joe's a salesman for ING by the way) are exactly whats wrong with America. Before you read the next paragraph keep in mind that US Air has given each passenger $5000 for their "trouble".
Joe Hart, a salesman from Charlotte who suffered a bloody nose and bruises, says he “would like to be made whole for the incident.” It’s too soon after the accident to determine what emotional distress he has suffered, he says. “I want to see how things play out with US Airways,” he says. “I’m hopeful US Airways understands the significance of the incident.”
He hopes they understand the significance? I don't know what is more disgusting...the fact that only a large payday is going to make this douchebag whole again, or the fact that I'm sure the ambulance chasing lawyers are after each and every one of these passengers to do the same thing. I mean we should really be suing the geese here, right?.......seems to me they were at fault. And they were "Canadian Geese" so isn't that out of juristiction or something....sue Canada!
Dipshit....... you just survived a plane crash....... into the Hudson River...... In January. And you did so, because some guy you've never met ( Sully the pilot), and a crew, who probably gets paid a lot less than you do, decided to take responsibility for your life. If you don’t like the way they did it, why don’t you go take a long, cold swim and decide how you like the alternative. Christ... you hate to wish death on anybody, but we need this asswipes like this out of the gene pool.
"Regret but no remorse"
According to Mr Haentjens, Kim De Gelder didn’t have a “murder plan”.
“He had printed out the addresses of crèches, but why he chose Dendermonde remains a mystery."
De Gelder is reported not to remember anything of what happened on Friday morning and it is not yet clear whether he heard “voices” that told him to carried out the brutal attack on the crèche.
Jaak Haentjens says that his client has expressed regret for what happen.
However, as De Gelder is unable to remember what he did, he is unable to show any real remorse.
As a child, De Gelder is reported to have been lonely and withdrawn.
He suffered from severe depression and at one stage even heard voices in his head.
"There are indications that he suffers from a mental abnormality, but we will have to await the results of psychiatric reports.” Mr Haentjens told journalists.
"He suffered from severe depression when he was fifteen and sixteen and he behaved strangely."
"His parents had wanted him to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital when he was eighteen."
"However, he received out-patients’ treatment from a psychiatrist and it was judged not necessary to admit him to a psychiatric unit.”
Kim De Gelder moved out of the family home last October.
Since then he has only contacted his parents by telephone or text message.
Mr Haentjes concludes that "The issue is simply one of whether or not he was aware of his actions."
"Did he hear voices that made him do what he did?"
"If he acted in a psychotic state then he should be sectioned.”
From a story about Citi’s Falcon 7X jet order, which Tim Geithner has now told the company it must cancel:
Citigroup said it has reduced its number of aircraft by two-thirds over the last eight years.
When you need to resort to fractions to talk about changes in the size of your private jet fleet, you know that something is very wrong with spending.
The tool is a leather paddle, like the kind your boss uses on the interns when it's late, except this one has the words "Massad, the S&M Magazine" cut out of it.
Dutch porn actress Sofia Valentine, who promptly utilized it at S&M fetish parties, on willing guests.
FROM AGENCY SPY
While the cost for a single 30-second Super Bowl ad is estimated at a staggering $3 million, E*Trade is capitalizing on the baby’s many fans featuring everyone’s favorite talking baby day-trader. I think the ETRADE baby spots are some of the funniest commercials to air during the Superbowl. He's back this year, with friends. Here are some outtakes from the upcoming Superbowl ads you'll see on Sunday.
Go to Youtube if you want to see some of the past ones
On the left is Tanya Ballinger and on the right is Kitana Baker. They caused a bit of a stir in 2002 when they had a catfight in a Miller Lite ad. So why the reference?
Apparently, PETA put together a sexy ad to air during Sunday's big game, but the spot has been nixed by NBC.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
John Montgomery just moved back to Georgia from Brussels, but he wants you to know he's got a great source for you, if you need to buy a vehicle......and credit is NOT a problem. I think this guy sold Obama his presidential limo if I'm not mistaken.
Meanwhile.......back at his laboratory.......GORE HEARING ON WARMING MAY BE PUT ON ICE
Al Gore is scheduled before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Wednesday morning to once again testify on the 'urgent need' to combat global warming.
But Mother Nature seems ready to freeze the proceedings.
A 'Winter Storm Watch' has been posted for the nation's capitol and there is a potential for significant snow... sleet... or ice accumulations.
"I can't imagine the Democrats would want to showcase Mr. Gore and his new findings on global warming as a winter storm rages outside," a Republican lawmaker emailed the DRUDGE REPORT. "And if the ice really piles up, it will not be safe to travel."
A spokesman for Sen. John Kerry, who chairs the committee, was not immediately available to comment on contingency plans.
Global warming advocates have suggested this year's wild winter spells are proof of climate change.
Developing...So when the temperature goes up it is due to global warming and when the temperature goes down it is due to global warming. You just cant win with these delusional idiots.
PETA Babes in lingerie having sex with vegetables. They continually submit ads like these for the Superbowl, knowing they'll get rejected, but they will get lots of free pub.....you're looking at....right? Pretty false advertising as usual from PETA...you know real PETA chicks never look anywhere near this good.
"He understands that he did something inhuman. I think that he feels regrets. That's what he says but it would be going too far to say that he repents," said Mr Haentjes.
"The reason why he chose babies in a creche as victims is still an enigma. I want to know why he did that. He too, he is ready to help in that sense."
Mr Haentjes has also revealed that Mr De Gelder's parents had wanted to confine him in an institution for the mentally ill.
He is now also suspected of murdering a 73 year old woman in a knife attack on Friday January 16. Christian Du Four, a state prosecutor, linked De Gelder to the "abominable crime".
Maurits Paul Rijkeboer announces the launch of Money.Be, a new online bank that operates out of Belgium. "The current state of Belgium banks is disastrous," Rijkeboer, the CEO of Money.Be says. "That's why we have created Money.Be. We are confident that our foreign bank partner or investor will benefit and customers will be excited about this concept and will flock to us."
As a result, Rijkeboer, who also possesses a master's degree in business administration, is currently seeking an exclusive foreign bank partner or investor for the Belgium market.
"This is a one-time offer for a business partnership and the time to act is now," Rijkeboer explains. "The first bank to provide a serious and generous offer will receive the exclusive partnership."
Money.Be (http://www.money.be/) is currently applying for a Belgium banking license from the government.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A guide to Australian English, but the above video suggests it's also a good time to invade New Zealand.
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it’s the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he’s probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10. It’s not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as “a total bastard”. By contrast, your worst enemy is “a bit of a bastard”.
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word “mate” can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or “mateship”. Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man will choose a partner who is more attractive than himself………….to mosquitoes.
15. If it can’t be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it’s not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. It’s considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase “we’ve got a great lifestyle” means everyone in the family drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the host’s beer. (Don’t worry, he’ll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you’d be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase “a simple picnic” is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don’t need to make three trips back to the car, you’re not trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don’t sit. That’s what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motel’s pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one’s ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
28. There comes a time in every Australian’s life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
29. And, finally, don’t let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says “cobber” to anyone … EVER!
Don't worry...it comes with a salmonella warning
Chattanooga Bakery, maker of the MoonPie marshmallow sandwich, has launched MoonPie Peanut Butter, its first product launch in decades.
The product touts a "creamy peanut butter filling, a crunchier, chocolate-flavoured cookie and a chocolaty coating on the outside", the US firm said today.
"We're really excited to be launching some truly new and different items under the proven MoonPie trademark," said Tory Johnston, vice president of marketing. "For over 90 years, we've stayed true to our original design - soft cookies with marshmallow filling. After extensive research, consumers seemed excited to try new items from us - peanut butter is first, and there are several other new ideas in R&D now."
If you're looking for the latest vacation hotspot....Every year on the third Saturday in June, the redneck little town of Bell Buckle, Tennessee springs to life for the annual RC Cola and Moon Pie Festival.
Monday, January 26, 2009
President Hamid Karzai condemned a US operation that killed 16 Afghan civilians, while hundreds of villagers denounced the American President...…
Recognise the intellectual dishonesty??? That's most of you libtards for the last eight years.
The Screw Up - Last.FM Commercial - video powered by Metacafe
My apologies to Chubby Checker.
I'm not into the reality TV shows at all, in fact I've never seen an entire show. My wife though, along with the rest of the country, stays home Saturday nights to watch "Star Academy", which is the French Version of "American Idol".
Last weekend they had a new show on France 1, basically a kids version of American Idol, that reminded me of the Arthur Godfrey show, which was a little before my time, but I've seen clips. The kids are really entertaining because it's all spontaneus, not the fifteen minutes of fame these attention whores are looking for on these adult shows.
The interviews after the their talent display are almost as funny. I couldn't find a video, but their was one six year old girl who did a great hula hoop display, and then couldn't stop moving her hips as she was being interviewed. Pretty soon the interviewer was moving his hips too, and it was better than the act.
Below is a video from the show of a nine year old who sings Édith Piaf......incredibly well. If you are not familiar with Édith Piaf's voice.......which I'm sure is most readers of this blog...... watch the commercial for the French Lotto above first. It's not only very funny, but you get a good idea of her voice as well.
Now watch Justine, a nine year old with a big future...........
Police estimated that about 8,000 people, including many families with children, walked through the town of Dendermonde, 20 miles west of Brussels, to the Fabeltjesland -- Fairytale Land -- daycare, scene of Friday's attack.
Prosecutors have charged a 20-year-old unemployed Belgian with murdering the babies and a woman, and wounding 12 others, 10 of them children, in what seems to be a motiveless attack.
Local media dubbed the assailant the "Joker" killer because his face was painted white and his eyes blackened, like the criminal mastermind in the Batman films. The murders happened almost a year to the day of Heath Ledgers suicide.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Molson Ice commercial with Bob & Doug McKenzie and Guy Lafleur.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
The Brazilian beauty was a finalist in her country’s stage of the Miss World competition. She also participated in the 2007 Miss Bikini International competition.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Onlookers at the Australian Open in Melbourne were in shock after a streaker ran out in the middle of a doubles match involving sisters Serena and Venus Williams and their opponents Ayumi Morita and Martina Mueller.
Security officers were quick to capture the man and he was only on the court for a total of 14 seconds. Tennis Australia spoke about the situation and said:
“The focus of the on-court security team is always on player protection. They are instructed not to chase offenders as their focus at all times must remain on the players. The on-court actions of the security personnel reflected this focus on player protection.”
Three people were killed in a stabbing at a daycare centre in Sint-Gillis, part of the municipality of Dendermonde (East Flanders). Two children and one adult have died and some 10 childen were injured. The assailant was arrested by the police.
According to eyewitness reports a man went on a rampage causing a bloodbath in the daycare. His face was painted black and white. The attacker went into the daycare, pulled a knife and started stabbing anyone in his path. 3 people were killed.
Some 10 injured children were taken to hospitals in the area.The municiple disaster plan was immediatly called into effect, following the report of the incident. Ambulances were speeding to and from the creche. A police helicopter was deployed to look for the perpetrator, who left the scene of the crime by bicycle. He was reportedly detained in a nearby supermarket.
Earlier reports from the creche referred to chaos and panic in the daycare centre. Employees who were not hurt in the rampage are in shock. Federal Home Affairs Minister Guido De Padt arrived at the scene of the crime within a couple of hours. Flemish Welfare Minister Veerle Heeren was also there. Both officials are shocked about what happened and extend condolences to the families of the victims.
Dendermonde, a town of with 40,000 residents is about thirty miles north-west of Brussels. The public nursery was called "The Land of Fables with 18 children and six women, all staff members.
Glad to see Stewart is back to taking shots....The poor libtards just don’t know what to do about the fact that Obama’s foreign policy hopey change rhetoric is the same as Bush’s. But C'mon its time to let Biden out of the closet....we need more comedy.
Mauled? By a poodle? A depressed poodle? and then again I guess if I were French I would be depressed too.
Former French President Jacques Chirac was rushed to a hospital after being mauled by his pet dog who is prone to violent attacks and being treated for depression. The dramatic incident rattled the ex-president's wife. HELLO!!!!! ........violent attacks?....being treated for depression?....time for a dirt nap you moron!
That’s the problem Frenchmen have when they get old ... they get too slow to wave the surrender flag quickly enough to avoid getting hurt. Besides, if you want to know if your dog is depressed......just wait to see if he's too apathetic to lick his balls.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
When he argues with his liberal son-in-law, he's right about half the time and wrong about half the time, but you forgive the latter because he was a product of his times. On the other hand, the earnest self-righteousness of the son-in-law is grating, even when he is right on the merits.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The inauguration of Barack Obama, 44th president of the United States of America, was the news of the day and occupied often ten pages in Flemish newpapers. A number of newspapers also published Obama's full translated inauguration speech. Commentators determined that the election of the first black president has stirred up hope, enthusiasm and emotion throughout the world. In his speech Obama reached out to the rest of the world and said that 'his country is once again ready to lead'. According to De Standaard, Obama and his government could have an immense impact on the fate and prosperity of the whole world. Obama has it all to become one of the best presidents in history and to a certain extent also a president of the world.
According to news analysts Obama has succeeded in speaking on behalf of the whole of America and has given the country confidence. He also announced a trend break in the role America would want to play in the world.
De Tijd and De Morgen however warn that Obama should be given the necessary time to deal with the sick economy and other challenges. At present he may count on much goodwill, but the expectations are set so high that the disillusionment could equal that. The question is whether there will be enough patience to allow him to do his work properly, they wonder.
Ever since Barack Obama’s election began to look secure, Europeans have dreamed of finding a charismatic post-ideological race-conciliating leader of their own.
Imitating the Obama campaign’s strategic marketing campaign, European supporters printed T-shirts, buttons and bumper stickers of their own. They organized raucous parties on election night and cocktail parties on Tuesday to watch the swearing-in.
All major European national TV networks are carrying the event live. On Tuesday, in downtown Brussels, vendors sold “Obama Belgium” T-shirts. Some residents hung American flags on their balconies, something usually seen only in the country’s south, where the Battle of the Bulge was fought. READ MORE
I thought the speech was carried out very well, but then "that's what he does well......orate". A little petty in his many shots at Bush though. There were some good parts, I especially liked the bit about not apologizing for our way of life, but some real Obamaism's too. "We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories." Good luck with that, Mr. President. If you’re going to use clichéd language you should at least make it somewhat believable.
But then the great orater actually screwed up the Swearing in Ceremony by flubbing his lines, because he hasn't worked with a human teleprompter before. You know this guy has been practicing this speech since he was 12 years old....and he blows it!
As I laugh uncontrollably a friend says "so what, everybody screws up, he's nervous".
That's funny becuase I don't remember you moonbats giving Bush, or especially Sarah Palin, the same leeway. As a matter of fact, the media made a sport out of actually cataloging them, and if they didn't have enough, they made some up. See Tina Fey, SNL...but "the one" always gets a mulligan for his screw ups........57 states????? The good thing is we now have the gaffe-a-minute Jo Jo Biden to keep Jon Stewart busy....if Obama ever lets him out of the closet again.
I see Ted Kennedy got carted out in an ambulance during the presidential luncheon (I’m starting to believe in this whole hope and change thing) with "fatigue". Is that the new pc term for a quart of Jameson before lunch.
With the expectations that the moonbats and the media have bestowed on the great one...... the greatest leader the world has ever seen will never be able live up to the hype. I almost feel sorry for him. He's already fighting with Pelosi and he's thrown a lot of far left supporters under the bus since the election and moved centre, so I'm lookin for better things.
A quote from the Wall Street Journal a few days ago "The people who voted for McCain are going to be more satisfied with Obama, than the people who voted for Obama."
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Meet Kelly Baker, the latest to gain 15 minutes of fame, as America's latest tramp of the week.
Now take another look at the picture below, and it just proves one of lifes little lessons. "No matter how good lookin they are....somebody, somewhere, is tired of puttin up with their shit."
Now we find out that when rescuers reached his crashed aircraft, they found "evidence (a cheat sheet) including a book of campsites in America missing its pages on Alabama and Florida, and a bullet-point list scribbled on the back of a book that read: 'cracked windshield, window imploded, bleeding profusely'." How did this guy ever fool anybody?
Go here for the hilairious details on "Bailing out of an airplane for dummies"
Barack Obama's victory demonstrates America's capacity to embrace hope and turn it into worthless, disposable crap. Check out the post below, for a couple of these products.