Thursday, April 30, 2009
How do you manage to suddenly morph into 80’s rock star Meatloaf.
Here's a little video reminder.....two warnings here....not exactly safe for work and she is swapping spit with that doucebag William Hurt, but you should be able to ignore that rather easily.
Kathleen Turner Being Sexy - The most popular videos are a click away
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Interesting little video for jungstil.de, a German women's shopping site. The "women beating the shit out of each other over sale items" You can never get enough of this..
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
I’ve never seen anybody get dominated by a beer bong quite like this dude. I mean this kid was flat out mush salad. I love the advice that all the fratboys are shouting at the kid acting like they were doctors or something.
Roll him on his left! Let it all out! Kneel down Ryan! Like this dude was in any shape to follow directions. He was pure unadulterated silly putty. Just let him puke and rally.
You'd never see poor drinking skillz like this at a Packers game.
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke, but the questions were really asked!
Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -- can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?
Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs .
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?(USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Join in the celebration. Punch a tree, strangle a penguin, and just generally act like a Captain Planet destroyer all you want. This is your day, you capitalist pigs!
1. Throw all paper, bottles, and cans in the regular trash- There is no room in the office for extra receptacles. It should all go into one big can that gets dumped behind the building every week. Look for a sewer, a running stream, or a car with the top down.
2. Make sure you’re using the most expensive and high powered light bulbs available- I’d suggest using either indoor tanning bulbs or just buying more lights for the office.
3. Make sure every light is on in the office at all times- Even in rooms no one uses like closets, conference rooms supply closests and the bosses’ special “nook nook with the intern” room. Keep the copier running at all times. Leave on all computers at night and download a huge file every day at 5 p.m. to ensure it never goes into sleep mode.
4. Always use disposable cutlery and plates- Use them as often as possible. A different fork for every bite of lunch. Use paper plates as memo pads. Use copy paper as napkins. Play games of “how many sheets of paper can you rip at one time.” Loser builds a life-sized plastic knife fort in the break room.
5. Take turns driving around the parking lot- See who can complete a lap in the fastest time. Buy an office car that uses diesel gas. In fact, pour the gas on the lawn and light it on fire so it makes a ring around the office complex. Then do laps like Evil Knievel.
6. Use aerosol cans as an element of illusion- Whenever you enter or leave a room, spray the cans like a mist, and then APPEAR. (cloud of Lysol) “I AM HERE! Start the presentation!” Also works well for leaving bosses office when you screw up. POOF!
7. Kill all office plants- There time has come. All those days of mocking you. Laughing. It’s over Johnny. MICHEAL CORLEONE SENDS HIS REGARDS!!!!
These are all pretty simple. I expect full cooperation.
Nothing is funnier than animals...and this might be one of the funniest videos I've ever seen....
While a student at the University of Pennsylvania, Mr. Einhorn dated a Bryn Mawr College graduate by the name of Holly Maddux. When the affair ended in 1977, Mr. Einhorn went into a jealous rage and murdered her.
He concealed his crime for 18 months by stuffing Ms. Maddux’s body in a trunk that he kept in his apartment. The foul odor of the decomposing corpse coming from Mr. Einhorn’s Powelton Village apartment caused neighbors to complain. In 1979, police found the trunk stored in a closet in Mr. Einhorn’s apartment.
Ira Einhorn, member of the counterculture pantheon, one of the founders of the environmentalist movement, icon of the liberal intelligentsia, was charged with murder. But it was not just a simple murder, it was a gruesome case of domestic violence.
Then Mr. Einhorn went on his own little Tour De France, where the French actually protected him. The French really are different...but it kinda explains liberals pretty well. Another great read.
And now, Charlton Heston puts this climate cult lunacy into perspective.
If you’re having a crappy day and need a pick-me-up, listen to this song, it should bring a smile to your face.
It’s Beyonce on The Today Show, singing one of the tunes she stole from another musician. Without a pitch shifter, soundboards, and a whole whack of black magic, Beyonce shows you how talented these singers are without their props.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The adult film legend died at age 56.... found in her mobile home by a family member.
Chambers' death was a "total shock," [fellow adult star Ron Jeremy}]said, because they had been scheduled to sign a contract Monday to perform together in an off-Broadway "tongue-in-cheek" re-enactment of the porn classic "Deep Throat." "What's strange is that she was at a stage where she was totally happy and totally content with her life," Jeremy said. "Her life was falling together, and she was doing really well."
I saw Ron Jeremy at the airport in Miami one time...can't believe that guy is still working...must be the Viagra.
Here is a video clip of Chambers on PBS in 1977. PBS interviewers have to be the only people alive that could put you to sleep during an interview about porn.
Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent - 47-year-old Susan has basically become an overnight sensation after she surprised everyone when she opened her mouth and out came an incredible voice singing I Dream a Dream, from Les Miserable.
Everyone expected her to be another joke contestant which only provided for a bigger impact. Susan said she hasn't sung in two years, because she was too heartbroken after her mother passed away.
Susan has never been on a date or kissed another person. She lives by herself with her best friend, a cat named Pebbles. That's why they call it reality TV.
A guy walks into the local welfare office and marches straight up to the
counter and says, ”Hi… You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”
The social worker behind the counter at the local Acorn officee says, “Your timing is excellent....President Obama himself is here today to get you a job in person". Obama tells him he has a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he’ll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You’ll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year.”
The guy, wide-eyed, says, “You’re Bullshittin’ me!”
Obama says, “Yeah, well… You started it.”
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Barocky Road is a blend of half Vanilla, half Chocolate, and surrounded by Nuts and Flakes.
The Vanilla portion of the mix is not openly advertised and usually denied as an ingredient.
The Nuts and Flakes are all very bitter and hard to swallow.
The cost is $100.00 per scoop.
When purchased it will be presented to you in a large beautiful cone, but then the Ice Cream is taken away and given to the person in line behind you.
Thus you are left with an empty Wallet, no change, holding an empty cone, with no hope of getting any Ice Cream.
Aren't you feeling stimulated?
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
For some great humour check out the new "Tiger's Back" Nike commercial.
Tiger Woods' wife Elin Nordegren wins a libel lawsuit over fake nude pictures. It's kind of a non-news story, but gives everyone an opportunity to drool over how hot Tiger Woods' wife is.
In September, 2006, The Dubliner published an article slamming the wives of U.S. golfers during the Ryder Cup, including Nordegren and the wives of golfers Chad Campbell, David Toms and Jim Furyk. The article, titled "Ryder Cup Filth for Dublin?" was accompanied by a faked nude photo of Nordegren and a claim that photos of her in 'sweaty poses' could be found on porn sites across the web.
The big quote was this: "Most American golfers are married to women who cannot keep their clothes on in public. Is it too much to ask that they leave them at home for the Ryder Cup? Consider the evidence. Tiger Woods' wife can be found in a variety of sweaty poses on porn sites",
She has, however, been photographed in bikinis, like the one pictured above. She's a former model, after all. So I'm going to donate $100 to cancer research and run the following Elin bikini pic. And if you look at it, I ask that you donate $20 to the breast cancer-related charity of your choice. So close your eyes if you can't spare the money.
The nude photographs claimed to be of Nordegren actually depict Playboy magazine model Kim Hiott, and most are derived from the 2000 edition of Playboy's "Nudes" special edition. Don't fall all over yourself trying to get to them.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Canadian health care de-emphasizes widespread dissemination of technology like CT scanners and quick access to specialists like neurosurgeons. While all the facts of Richardson’s medical care haven’t been released, enough is known to pose questions with profound implications.
Richardson died of an epidural hematoma — a bleeding artery between the skull and brain that compresses and ultimately causes fatal brain damage via pressure buildup. With prompt diagnosis by CT scan, and surgery to drain the blood, most patients survive.
Could Richardson have received this care? Where it happened in Canada, no. In many US resorts, yes.
The White House is denying that the president bowed to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia at a G-20 meeting in London, a scene that drew criticism on the right and praise from some Arab outlets.
"It wasn't a bow. He grasped his hand with two hands, and he's taller than King Abdullah," said an Obama aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
This is the biggest reason I'm constantly ranting on this administration and Teleprompter Jesus. It's not the bow itself that pisses me off, but it's the crap they spew out to cover all their lies. Bush made some stupid mistakes, but if he had tried an explanation like this do you think"anyone" would have bought it?
The president has so little regard for honesty because he is totally confident that the pussies in the mainstream media will cover for him...and the 52% who voted for him will buy this bullshit.
"Who are you going to believe, me...........or your lying eyes?"
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
A total of 70% of the prostitutes working in Belgium are Bulgarians, a "Risk Monitor" foundation report showed Tuesday.
The report is on the the main schemes of money laundering related to human trafficking and the problems that the institutions, involved in this phenomenon, are facing. According to it the profit of the Bulgarian organized crime that is dealing with human trafficking is more than EUR 1 B. Yearly, over 10 000 people become victims of trafficking.
Money laundering schemes come through luxury boutique shops, car sellers, and outlet stores. It has been noticed lately that members of organized crime groups dealing with human trafficking have started investing even in agriculture.
The report also says that there is already a large number of Bulgarian prostitutes in countries like the USA and South Africa. That is something new for those countries.
Despite the efforts of the Bulgarian government to fight human trafficking not much has been achievement, Deputy Chief of the US Mission, Alexander Karagiannis, said. In his words, Bulgarian mafia is still way ahead of the government, he added.
Marooned in a sea of slagheaps, derelict factories and litter-strewn wasteland, the Belgian city of Charleroi is one of Europe's most unlikely tourist destinations.
The grim former coal-mining community is best known in Belgium for having the highest suicide and unemployment rates in the country.
The southern blackspot is even warning it will become more run-down in the current global financial crisis – having never really recovered from the previous two recessions.
But now, following a poll voting it the world's ugliest city, it is suddenly teeming with visitors willing to pay to see for themselves how relentlessly bleak Charleroi really is. Several businesses have sprung up since the survey, carried out in neighbouring Holland, offering "urban safaris" around some of the city's drabbest "attractions".
Tourists on the guided tours can climb a slagheap, inspect acres of post-industrial wasteland and visit the now demolished home of notorious child killer Marc Dutroux.
They can also see the apartment block of one of Charleroi's other notorious former residents – the world's first white female suicide bomber Muriel Degauque, who blew herself up in Baghdad in 2005, after marrying an Islamic radical.
One tour operator, Nicolas Buissart bragged that trips around the town – whose airport is a hub for low-cost airline Ryanair – were fully booked for the next two months. He said: "Visitors are genuinely appalled at the true hideousness of our town. Even as they fly in, they are shocked at the landscape of filth, slagheaps and wasteland.
"It looks like the very worst of the Russian communist era. It is a truly grim spectacle to behold."We take people around in a fairly decrepit old coach, visiting all the ugliest places – but the choice is actually endless because so little of the town has anything to offer. "Hopefully it makes visitors leaving feeling lucky about where they live themselves."Even locals complain socialist-run Charleroi, with a population of 200,000, is "a complete dump".
Shopkeeper Stephan Reignier said: "It is a monstrosity. The whole place should be bulldozed and rebuilt from scratch." In an attempt at positive spin smacking of desperation, the regional tourism website could only say of the city: "Charleroi has fun and does not take itself seriously."
Since Mr Buissart began tours of his home town, other rival firms have now set up and tourism had tripled in the past three months, Charleroi's town hall said.
A spokesman added: "It is not really anything to boast about, but in the short term a huge boost in tourist revenue could help fund some very badly needed regeneration of our town."
My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, Maxine Waters, Corrine Brown, and Al Gore".
If that doesn't scare the shit out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up for the rest of your life.
Read the whole story: Guardian
Friday, April 03, 2009
My favorite comment is from the lady who talks about how sophisticated they are...and how that plays well with the French. I've been here for 13 years now...and I see more American Mullet in the French, than sophistication. All this talk of "style," "etiquette," and "proper protocol" from a bunch of people who don't know which fork to use when they aren't made of white plastic.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Some MacGyver-esque drunkard in Ohio is facing DUI charges after crashing a bar stool he was driving -- HE WAS DRIVING!. Reminds me of my favorite redneck joke.
What's the last thing a redneck says before he dies? Bubba, hold my beer...and watch this!
Cops arrived to the scene around 5:41 PM on March 4, arrested the guy, and filed a police report ... here are the highlights ... it's classic.
"Unit #1 was heading west bound on Kelly Lane. Unit #1 attempted to turn around (180 degrees), and back down Kelly east bound. As Unit #1 began its turn, it rolled over and the operator was injured."
"Note: Unit #1 was a home made [sic] motor vehicle, a bar stool attached to a frame with a lawn mower attached."
"At this point I noticed that Mr. Wygle's eye's [SIC] were very blood shot and were glassy in appearance."
"I asked him what happened, Mr. Wygle stated, 'I wrecked my bar stool.'"
"I asked Mr. Wygle how much alcohol he had to drink, he said, 'a lot.'"
"I asked if the bar stool even ran and said, 'yes, it will go around 38 miles per hour.'"
Wygle, who has undoubtedly become a cult hero in frat houses across the country, pleaded not guilty and has requested a jury trial.
Submitted by Scott, who happens to be from Ohio. I hope none of those redneck poster people in the video are your relatives.....