Monday, June 29, 2009

I only have eyes for "me"

USA Today has a statement from actress Elizabeth Taylor on the death of Michael Jackson. Here it is in full.

My heart . . . my mind . . . are broken. I loved Michael with all my soul and I can't imagine life without him. We had so much in common and we had such loving fun together. I was packing up my clothes to go to London for his opening when I heard the news. I still can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. It can't be so.

He will live in my heart forever but it's not enough. My life feels so empty. I don't think anyone knew how much we loved each other. The purest most giving love I've ever known. Oh God! I'm going to miss him. I can't yet imagine life with out [sic] him. But I guess with God's help . . . I'll learn. I keep looking at the photo he gave me of himself, which says, "To my true love Elizabeth, I love you forever." And, I will love HIM forever.

That's 162 words and 23 references to herself (excluding the first-person plural). She must've seen something of herself in him.

WORLD RELIGIONS

CLICK TO ENLARGE

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Why I love women's tennis...reason #378

Maria Sharapova might have already been sent home from Wimbledon...but does it really matter? You know the drill.....click to enlarge!





Saturday, June 27, 2009

Samuri warrior vs 93 mph fastball

Burger King's new porno burger

Consolidated Grieving....a 2 for 1



I'm going to hell anyway.....so enjoy.

When Farrah got to heaven, God gave her one wish. She wished for all the children of the world to be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson's body is not to be cremated or buried. Its to be recycled into grocery bags. That way he can continue to be white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.

The Thriller video is going to be so much cooler now that it has an all zombie cast.

Michael Jackson hasn't been this stiff since McCauley Culkin stayed over for the weekend.

Since Michael Jackson is 95% plastic, they're gonna melt him down and make him into legos. That way little boys can play with HIM for a change.

Michael Jackson wasn’t really found at home having a heart attack; they found him having a stroke in the pediatric ward.

Elton John will be playing at his funeral - "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"

The autopsy report came back that Michael Jackson died of food poisoning apparently he ate a 9 year old wiener.

Did you hear that Gary Glitter has put a bid in for Michael Jackson's computer?

One phrase you won't hear at Michael Jackson's funeral: "Don't he look natural?"

Need a reason to shop online?



These chicks get serious about lingerie!

"The Way We Get By"....a documentary


Troop greeters are what volunteering is all about. Frikn awesome....God bless em!

Since the Gulf War in 1991, a group of veterans and townspeople from the area have greeted every troop flight that arrives or departs from Bangor International Airport. They're so loyal to their mission that the airport set aside a permanent room for them.

This documentary, "The Way We Get By" is a captivating and intimate look at three senior citizens in America as they struggle with the losses that come with growing old and the uplifting ways they rediscover their reasons for living.

By greeting nearly one million troops at a tiny airport in Maine, they find the strength to overcome their personal battles and demonstrate the meaning of community at a time when most Americans have lost faith in their country.

Remember when there was a country to care about before all these whoring politicians got involved?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Farrah Fawcett dies of cancer at 62

She succumbed to cancer at 62. Now this woman truly was an icon. What kid in the seventies didn't have this poster positioned squarely over his bed.
That poster alone was responsible for getting my adolesence off the ground.....I'll let you know when it's over. I'll be in my bunk.

Meanwhile....here's a Noxema commercial she did with Joe Namath before she was famous....you've got a great pair of hands.

Micheal Jackson dead at 50 in Los Angeles

A bus full of tourists thought they were driving up a fancy street to look at Michael Jackson's front gate. Instead, they witnessed the last moments of Michael Jackson's life.

Am I a going to hell for not giving a shit about this? Michael Jackson was a child molester in addition to being just a world class weirdo who inflicted himself on the rest of the planet.

Ed McMahon, Micheal....who's going to be number 3?

UPDATE....I guess Micheal was number 3.
I missed this earlier in the day, Farrah Fawcett dies of cancer

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Some amazing bat skills

Funeral for pilot on the Brussels to Newark flight.

Funeral services are planned Tuesday for a Continental Airlines pilot who died during a flight from Brussels to Newark.
Capt. Craig Lenell Sr. of Houston was 60.
Lenell died Thursday of a suspected heart attack midway through Continental Airlines Flight 61. Two co-pilots took over the controls and safely landed the jet in Newark.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Still need a Father's day Gift?

You get home from a long day at work. The kids are bothering you. The wife is being her lovely self. All you want to do is practice your putt but you don’t have the time to hit the course for a few weeks. Well why not work out the kinks in your putting game with our new Potty Putter?

It’s a true innovation in getting the most out of each trip to the restroom. Get one for the office and one for home. Finally, you can play some golf without all those bothersome people. The Bathroom is perhaps your last bastion of freedom so don’t let anyone invade it.
The Potty Putter is the perfect Father’s Day Gift for the golf enthusiast in your life!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Best Liquor bottle ever.....Samurai Vodka

Best Liquor Bottle Ever! This bottle for Samurai Vodka is sweet. Looks like the sword just sliced right through it.

The heaviest element known to man

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Hunting for a new laptop



Pretty much all the requirements most readers of this blog would need in a new laptop.

Anybody else find this strangely addicting?

Friday, June 19, 2009

Miss Nude Belgium.....drives a bus!

If you have been staying awake at night lately wondering what on earth ever happened to Miss Nude Belgium 2009,.....She has been found. Audrey, who doesn't want her last name used is a tour bus driver. It turns out she gave up her life of porn and nude beauty contests in order to provide a better life for her 3 and 4 year old kids.

For the life of me i couldn't find a picture of the bus babe, so enjoy the video of Alizée Poulicek (Miss Belgium 2008) at the La Perla Lingerie Show in Liege.

In this tough job market, there may be no one with more job security than porn stars. Let’s face it, the porn industry is on the rise now that thousands upon thousands of men are out of work and sitting around bored at home. For those porn stars who are down on their luck (or sick of getting stuffed all day), it may be time to look elsewhere for work.

As long as “elsewhere” isn’t on a bus.

In the UK, a porn star has been threatened with the proverbial pink slip if she doesn’t quit her night job. The reigning ‘Miss Nude Belgium 2009′ recently passed all her exams to become a bus driver and had just started working when she was called to human resources to explain some racy photographs. Turns out, you can’t show your nips and drive people around town.

You'll never look at sperm, the same way again

The latest books for your children

Uses for duct tape #877


Florida's version of a biker bar


mmmmmmm........DONUTS!

Tom Tom introduced an optional Homer Simpson voice, which gives you turn-by-turn directions on your portable TomTom GPS device, for a download fee of $12.95.

“With the original Homer at your side, even the shortest drive will transform into a journey to remember,” the company says.

It’s a fun idea on the surface, but with occasional quips like, “We might find an ice cream truck! Mmm … ice cream,” or a crazy laugh or “woo-hoo!” throughout your trip, the voice might actually end up being maddening to some consumers, especially on a long drive.

Obamacare


Surely.....you can't be serious?

I take this flight quite often because I like the transfer at the smaller airport in Newark, but I've never had this problem.
The captain of a Continental Airlines flight en route from Brussels to Newark died during the trip, but the flight landed safely with two co-pilots at the controls.
NEW YORK TIMES

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wonderbra as a deadly weapon!

Belgian Frites are now part of the American Pastime

With the two new Stadiums in New York this spring they are both offering more upscale food. Be prepared to empty your wallet though.

Box Frites is located in the outfield concourse across from the Shake Shack and Blue Smoke. There specialty is probably self explanatory, but in any case they serve Belgian fries....at $6.50 a pop for a small box.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Finally....the official shirt of Teleprompter Jesus



Fathers Day Gift.....Jingle Jugs!


The Trophy You've Always Wanted!

You won't believe your eyes! This anatomically correct mounted pair performs to the hit song "Titties and Beer" by Rodney Carrington. Molded in soft vinyl with real bikini top! WATCH HOW IT WORKS

Mount these jiggly jugs on the wall or use the included display stand. Set them on motion-detect mode and surprise the unsuspecting! Fun for home, office, garage, workshop, gameroom, etc.

WARNING: Crude adult humor; may be offensive to some. If it is....would you please go read another blog.

Shii - The Wii for Women

Friday, June 12, 2009

Vintage Beer Commercials



If you're from Minnesota....this was it, watching a Twins game on TV. I can still hear Halsey Hall

More Vintage Commercials Here.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Gordon Brown remembers D-Day heroism at "Obama Beach"


So enamoured of the new American Pres is Gordon Brown, that he renamed Omaha Beach in his honour at the 65th anniversary of the Normandy landings. Prime Minister Gordon Brown remembered "Obama" Beach at D-Day ceremonies in Normandy

Obviously, Obama is not the only one who is a clueless on world history. And they called Tony Blair a poodle....

Sunday, June 07, 2009

You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade


Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Force!
You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have
striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The
hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you.
In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on
other Fronts, you will bring about the destruction of the German war
machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of
Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well
equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 1944! Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of
1940-41. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Germans great defeats,
in open battle, man-to-man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their
strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our Home
Fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions
of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men.
The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to
Victory!

I have full confidence in your courage and devotion to duty and skill in
battle. We will accept nothing less than full Victory!

Good luck! And let us beseech the blessing of Almighty God upon this great
and noble undertaking.

SIGNED: Dwight D. Eisenhower

Friday, June 05, 2009

Danica Patrick signs boobs......as in bitch tits

Danica Patrick's new BOOST mobile commercial makes you want to get liposuction.
It may be a double standard, but it's only cool when girls get their rack signed. Call me old fashioned...

North Carolina man charged with using Craigslist to arrange an online rape of his wife.


Craigslist is again under scrutiny after a North Carolina man was charged with using the popular online classified site to fulfill his own fantasy by finding someone to rape his wife at knifepoint while he watched.
The woman said Thursday she has been "traumatized" by the attack, which she did not know about ahead of time. It happened a month after Craigslist agreed to overhaul its policing of sex ads following a slaying in Massachusetts.

He might not feel this rape fantasy is such a good idea after he gets introduced to Bubba in the slammer. Perversion is becoming an alternative lifestyle in this country. Our culture and our government subsidize, encourage, and glorify bad behavior, so expect it to increase.
No happy endings.

Is America a great country.....or what?

Yes kiddies.....that is a pizza oven for your car.

It's Simona Halep again.....changing shirts

Busty volleyball star Alena Schurkova is urging tennis ace Simona Halep not to reduce her boobs as it may send the wrong message.


Romanian-born Simona, who has 34DD breasts, has announced that she intends to have surgery to make her bust smaller in the autumn.

However, Alena, who was seeded South Africa’s top volleyball player at one time, says Simona can be just as good a tennis player with her bigger assets. "If she does this it sends out the message that girls with big boobs can't play sports and that is just wrong. I am 32E and I have never found them to be a problem," the 42-year-old Schurkova told The Daily Sun.
No argument here!!!

This has nothing to do with the commercial I posted above.....but It gives me an excuse to post these pictures again.....frikn amazing! They’ll be mounting those funbags in the Womens Tennis Hall of Fame next to Martina Navratilova’s balls.

It's Obamopoly.....learn how to play with other peoples money

The object of the game is to destroy American capitalism by having the government take over everything!

Tokens include a bus, a teleprompter, a sprig of arugula and a waffle iron.

Wanna play? No??? Too bad, you're already playing... and quite frankly, in this game, nobody wins!

You get to start the game on borrowed money, a welfare check, mortgage bailout, or any branch of the government that justs hands money to you for no justifiable reason.

Stole it from Obamanation, check out his other cool stuff

Thursday, June 04, 2009

The Belgian Army starts it's "Bullets for Kids" promotion

Belgian soldiers on exercise in The Netherlands caused outrage after it emerged that they handed out live blank ammunition to children in the villages.
The soldiers were caught on camera happily handing out the bullets outside a snack bar in Den Helder.

The children were spotted walking around with pocketfuls of ammunition by staff at neighbouring schools. One 11-year-old proudly told a television crew “from the soldiers”.

The code name for the operation was 'crazy trip'.....enough said.

What happened to just giving away chocolate? SKY NEWS

The National Debt Road Trip

Book clubs for men becoming more popular.....there's a caveat

Book clubs for men are becoming more popular: "We've been meeting for 6 months, and we haven't read a book yet"

I'm so impressed I'm starting up a local chapter.....

"We've been meeting for six months, and we haven't read a book yet," says Andrew Upton, 45, of Somerville, describing his own book group. "We have such a good time talking about life, kids, work, politics, everything. And everyone is so busy. We may read a book at some point, but right now it's just a social club." THE BOSTON GLOBE

A wicked googly.....Pigeon down!


A wicked googly in the UK. A routine relay throw in a cricket match, and it's lights out for a pigeon. If you want to skip the prelims, move it up to 1:10 and watch the bird "get it".

If you want to really see a bird destroyed, nothing does it better than American baseball when Randy Johnson still had his fastball.

Go Blondes Go!! It's like a Paris Hilton Festival


We're smart, we're beautiful and know our right from our other right!
In Latvia, the nation's blondes are marching for the greater good, and it won't even blow out the long end of the yield curve. Any of you guys starting to wonder what airfare to Latvia is?

Organisers said they were determined to bring positive energy to their country, which is expected to see its economy contract by 16 per cent this year. I know it brought some positive energy to me!

The parade was part of a "Blonde Weekend" which also featured a blonde golf tournament, a little lady fashion show, an evening ball, and a children's drawing competition.
"It's a great time to spend in the parade and contribute to a charity," said Ieva, one blonde spectator.
"Finally something different, something positive because I'm tired of hearing about the crisis," said another, 70-year-old Ausma. Read THE TELEGRAPH


Hot Latvian ladies have been in the news a couple times these past weeks. Apparently Latvian prostitutes are "reliable economic indicators" and according to business (or lack thereof), there's no sign of quick economic recovery.

The 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition from Government Motors




They kind of look like the old Russian Trabant's.....how fitting for this administration. You know that two car garage you have....could be good for five or six now!

Stole it from IOWAHAWK

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

WANTED: MEPs who want 12 weeks holiday, plenty of perks and little accountability

An article in the WSJ looks at the elections and writes: "Wanted: 736 Europeans to earn $120,000 a year with 12 weeks off, plenty of perks and little accountability." It goes on to say, "For a job with such sweet terms, getting elected isn't all that tough. Election turnout is so low - as low as 20% in some countries - that winning election can require little more than getting on a large party's ticket or appealing to niche constituencies."

The article also looks at the EP's Europarl TV channel, launched last year at a cost of $13 million, and only available on the internet. When asked how many hits it gets, an EU official is quoted saying, "You won't get me to answer that".

There are no bigger whores than the government when it comes to Internet Cherry Sellers.

Tax authorities in Germany are poised to claim 50 per cent of the money that a teenage student earned for 'auctioning' her virginity because they claim it was 'tantamount to prostitution'.

Romanian-born Alina Percea who is a student in Germany, was paid £8,800 in cash for a weekend of sex with an Italian businessman after she auctioned her virginity online. But tax officials in Berlin regard the 18-year-old's act as 'nothing more than prostitution'.

Prostitution is legal in Germany, but it is heavily taxed.

'It is not a moral standpoint but a fiscal one,' an official said. 'Prostitution is not an illegal act in Germany, but not paying tax on earned money is.'Consequently we are assessing her case and it looks likely she will have to pay around half of the sum she gained.'

It also emerged that, because Alina earned so much in such a short time, she may even be liable for a hefty VAT bill too. VAT in Germany works out to 19 per cent, meaning the sale of her virginity could land her with just over £3,000.

So, in other words, of the £8,800 she earned for selling her body, the government may claim £5,800. Just goes to show their are no bigger whores than the government. Still seems like a lot of money to hit that.

Walmart prostitutes now on sale in Amsterdam

The recession is hurting Amsterdam's prostitutes so badly that they have been forced to cut rates...... they are turning into mini Wal-Marts. You see.....this recession is not all bad. The law of unintended consequences strikes again!

Prostitutes in Amsterdam’s red-light district are complaining that the World Economic Downturn is so bad that many hookers are discounting their services just to make ends meet, which makes it harder for all the other girls to make a living:
“Some of the girls are now doing it for 30 euros. My price is still 50 euros, but the men are playing us off against each other. Some want to pay only 20 euros,” she said.


Twenty-six-year-old Oxana, who shares Eva’s window, says her income has halved in six months while her window rent went up 25 percent in January.
On a “good day” she sees six clients but sometimes only one — at 50 euros per visitor not enough to cover her half of the 150 euro daily rent.
“But I can’t do it for 20 or 30 euros like some of the others. That is not money.”

The US debt clock

The MSM and the big government political parties have successfully convinced the majority of Americans they’re entitled to “rights” that are to be largely subsidized by others. These “rights” include entitlements to retirement, education, healthcare, food, housing, transportation, jobs, clothing, abortions…the list goes on.

Go here to take a look at current US debt clock in realtime.

How frikn fantastic that at the bottom of the page is a loan and mortgage calculator! I see a huge page of debt and I’m thinking to myself, how can I get me some of that!

Turbo Tax Timmy gets mocked in China

Poor Tim Geithner. He already comes off as kind of nervous and insecure when talking in public, but at least in the US, the only people who ever bother him are crazed Code Pink activists.
But in China, representing the country as chief bond salesman, he openly mocked.

In his first official visit to China since becoming Treasury Secretary, Mr Geithner told politicians and academics in Beijing that he still supports a strong US dollar, and insisted that the trillions of dollars of Chinese investments would not be unduly damaged by the economic crisis. Speaking at Peking University, Mr Geithner said: "Chinese assets are very safe." The comment provoked loud laughter from the audience of students.....too bad they can't vote. Another great appointment from the Messiah.

Actually it's a good thing this was in China. If this was in a US...... Treasury would have looked at the class roster, gotten the names of the students who laughed and then threatened them with IRS audits and SEC investigations till they got with the program.

Global warming is "baloney", at least in Memphis

At least three Burger Kings in Memphis have recently displayed "GLOBAL WARMING IS BALONEY" on their letter boards, according to the Memphis Flyer .

The Flyer has pictures of two Burger Kings in downtown Memphis, as well as the transcript of a conversation with one store's manager, where he claims that the signs were not a mistake and reflected the views of Burger King international.

Doesn't Al Gore frequent these Burger Kings?

Monday, June 01, 2009

A few days ago, the WALL STREET JOURNAL ran an article contemplating the virtual impossibility of beating Rafael Nadal at the French Open, and you can understand why. He was chasing his record fifth-straight title at Roland Garros, where he had never lost a match. His career record on clay 150-5. At the French Open, Nadal was pretty much a one-man wrecking crew.

But apparently, Robin Soderling doesn’t read the WALL STREET JOURNAL. Which isn’t that shocking, since he’s Swedish and all. But what the 23rd seed lacks in financial media acumen, he makes up for with a powerful serve, which was far more important today as he beat Nadal in four sets in what the NEW YORK TIMES is calling “one of the biggest upsets in the long history of tennis.”

More disappointing for us male fans of the sport was Ana Ivanovich, as the defending women’s champion fell flat on her face (actually, I don’t know if that’s posssible) and was knocked out of the tournament by Victoria Azarenka in straight sets.