Don't get me wrong, I like lawyers. Some of my best friends are lawyers.
Ok that's a lie but I do know a few.
A young farm lad from Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with!
Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Old Blue how to talk!" That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?" Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out.
The boy calls his father again. So how's Old Blue doing, son?" his father asks. Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won' t believe this - they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!" "READ?" says his father. "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Old Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Old Blue was in the living room kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does.
Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives in town?' " The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!" The kid went on to become a lawyer.