Top Ten Country Western Songs of All Time

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine.
09. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Woke Up With a Few.
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'..
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared She'd Win.
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here.
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him.
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger.
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer..

And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass Out All Day

Hey, you try waggin these puppies around awhile!

Alright, maybe pure evil is a bit of an overstatement, BUSTY DOLLY PARTON reckons her amazing boobs are more famous than she is, and has even nicknamed them Shock and Awe. It's not like they're responsible for more than maybe five or six global atrocities but you can't deny that Dolly Parton's breasts are the eight and ninth wonders of the world.
Why? Because Dolly Parton's boobs are so big that they've destroyed her back and forced her to cancel an entire tour. Where are we supposed to get our fix of ancient, massive-boobed, rootin'-tootin' country and western music now?

And that means that Dolly Parton's tour is off, as Reuters reports:

Dolly Parton's breasts may be two of the wonders of the entertainment world, but the country music icon says they are a pain in her back. Parton, 62, said on Monday she would postpone her upcoming North American tour after doctors told her to take it easy for six to eight weeks to rest her sore back. "Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems," the folksy singer-songwriter said in a statement.

Fiesta Latino this weekend

A Latin festival in Brussels? ¡Pero sí! Fiesta Latina gets hips gyrating every year on Place du Châtelain, with parades, live concerts, dancing and the odd mojito or two...
The programme includes live concerts and jam sessions, dance groups, DJ floors and a mercado latino with Spanish, Caribbean and Latin American specialities. Brussels' trendy Place du Châtelain is an appropriate venue for the event - the usual buzz of the popular bars adapts easily to the burst of sound and colour from the best Latin bands Belgium has to offer. Please visit the comprehensive festival website for the latest news and up-to-the-minute information. Saturday and Sunday, August 25th and 26th.

American Country Music Festival Axed in Paris

An American country music festival in Paris has been postponed after the organisers received several anti-American threats.
The festival, called Three Days in America, was supposed to take place next weekend in the Parc St Cloud, in a suburb to the west of Paris. An international event, which last year drew more than 15,000 people, the festival celebrates the American lifestyle with a mixture of live gospel and country music, line-dancing, tributes to Elvis Presley, exhibitions of American cars and spectacular fireworks.
Chantal Tenot, a spokeswoman for the event, said: "We don't know who is behind it, and we can't be sure of a motive but it could just as much be an expression against [President Nicolas] Sarkozy as against America. Some people think that if you like America you must also like Sarkozy.
"Our chief concern is to not let security issues ruin this great event. The letter contained threats to the families of the organisers, we couldn't ignore it."
The threats came as a surprise to many Americans living in France, such as Clare Pickett. She said: "I'm really surprised and saddened by this. When I studied here in 2004 I found there was a really palpable anti-American feeling. Of course, the war in Iraq really stirred people up, but I thought it had died down."