Eating popcorn.....like only A-Rod can....from Cameron Diaz

Manny Ramirez doodle sheet

click to enlarge

Manny Ramirez was suspended from baseball today for testing positive for a banned substance. He's denying it was steroids. But no one really believes him.

And since Manny is quite possibly the world's stupidest human, look what his press conference speech sheet looks like.

Top Ten Messages Left on Alex Rodriguez's Answering Machine

10. "Hey, it's Mark McGwire. Want to get together this week and not talk about the past?"

9. "Joe Torre here -- thanks for helping book sales"

8. "Could you find a steroid that keeps you from choking in the playoffs?"

7. "Are you worried this will taint all the championships you didn't win?"

6. "It's Bernie Madoff. Nice try but I'm still the most hated man in New York"

5. "Michael Phelps here. Got any snacks?"

4. "This is Sammy Sosa. Just pretend you don't speak English"

3. "Michael Phelps again. Did I call you or did you call me?"

2. "Hey, it's Rod Blagojevich -- I'll say you're innocent, if you say I am"

1. "It's Madonna. You got a phone number for Jeter?"

Another one stolen from Wall Street Jackass ....check out the Hilary missed kiss

Roger Clemens has hit a new low

Now That We’ve Got the Names, Questions Abound

Whew! OK, now you can all just relax and read the whole actual Mitchell Report. I'm sure everyone will be drawing up a Cognac and poring through it tonight.
I've pretty much looked at the whole thing -- it's a quick read -- and I can say with 100 percent certainty that we are no closer to the truth about steroids in Major League Baseball over the last 20 years than we were yesterday.

How does Sammy Sosa not make this list? Baseball is still protecting itself.