Join in the celebration. Punch a tree, strangle a penguin, and just generally act like a Captain Planet destroyer all you want. This is your day, you capitalist pigs!
1. Throw all paper, bottles, and cans in the regular trash- There is no room in the office for extra receptacles. It should all go into one big can that gets dumped behind the building every week. Look for a sewer, a running stream, or a car with the top down.
2. Make sure you’re using the most expensive and high powered light bulbs available- I’d suggest using either indoor tanning bulbs or just buying more lights for the office.
3. Make sure every light is on in the office at all times- Even in rooms no one uses like closets, conference rooms supply closests and the bosses’ special “nook nook with the intern” room. Keep the copier running at all times. Leave on all computers at night and download a huge file every day at 5 p.m. to ensure it never goes into sleep mode.
4. Always use disposable cutlery and plates- Use them as often as possible. A different fork for every bite of lunch. Use paper plates as memo pads. Use copy paper as napkins. Play games of “how many sheets of paper can you rip at one time.” Loser builds a life-sized plastic knife fort in the break room.
5. Take turns driving around the parking lot- See who can complete a lap in the fastest time. Buy an office car that uses diesel gas. In fact, pour the gas on the lawn and light it on fire so it makes a ring around the office complex. Then do laps like Evil Knievel.
6. Use aerosol cans as an element of illusion- Whenever you enter or leave a room, spray the cans like a mist, and then APPEAR. (cloud of Lysol) “I AM HERE! Start the presentation!” Also works well for leaving bosses office when you screw up. POOF!
7. Kill all office plants- There time has come. All those days of mocking you. Laughing. It’s over Johnny. MICHEAL CORLEONE SENDS HIS REGARDS!!!!
These are all pretty simple. I expect full cooperation.
Nothing is funnier than animals...and this might be one of the funniest videos I've ever seen....
Fuck Planet Earth - watch more funny videos
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